I am profoundly lost.
I don't know what to do, what to be. That's juvenile, let me try harder. I don't have any dreams. The things I wanted most desperately in life I have either got them or else they are now beyond me.
I have a group of friends who impress me with their wits, their intellects, their kindnesses and I love them. They are the family I dreamed of having. As for adventure, I've had plenty and while there are many many more to be had, they all feel pyrrhic at this moment. I'm tired of being told no. I don't want to borrow money and nothing draws me. I'm left wishing. I know nothing of what I want. Or am capable of.

Help

So, in the next 6 months all of the people I love will be away from me. London, Montreal, Liverpool, Derbyshire. I have no plans. No aspirations. Nothing to hold me, nothing to do. Only habits and debt. The man I love will be here but only so long as his aspirations keep him here. I don't think I can spend 5 years clearing a debt that represents my failure. This is my one life.
What am I to do. Undriven, unmotivated and unsupported. I'm terrified. Help.